heres a list of things to expect when you make an appointment with family planning regarding iud replacement and dont take into account that its a staff "personal development" (im wtfing too)day at school and your children arent a part of it.....
1. your children will be with you
2. they will listen intently to the conversation in great bewilderment and amazement or think the appt is all about them and they need their bp taken
3. you will suddenly be told you need to have an internal examination during this appt
4. your children will want to watch
5. if you have a cervix that sits quite high up:
a) tell them
b) go and put more money in the parking meter because this may take a while
6. the nurse wont be able to find your cervix and will go and get a bigger speculum
7. your children will be playing peek-a-boo with you from behind the curtain
8. the bigger speculum will prove to be far more uncomfortable and just as useless in the search for your cervix
9. the nurse will ask another nurse to see if she can find it
10. you will then receive a phone call at this point from someone about your eldest child and his speech processor upgrade
11. the other nurse cant find it
12a. your eight yr old will want a cuddle
12b. your 7yr old shows you the cool but too small plastic bracelet he found. be sure to ask the nurse if thats a nova ring. shes bound to confirm it is but not to worry ast its only a sample model.
13. the nurse chooses that point to get a doctor to have a look
14. the doctor comes and (eventually) finds it
15. your eight yr old wants to know whats so fascinating between your legs that 3 women not only have to see but they also need a light to do so
16. your seven year old wants to know what an iud is
17. its now time for the rest of the pelvic exam
18. when the doctor reaches your left ovary, you will believe she is trying to drive her finger THROUGH it
19. she will then ask if it hurts
20. if you personally remove her hand from the situation, this will assure her that it does
21. you will have to repeat point 20 when she does it again
22. both of your children want to go home NOW regardless of the fact you have no pants on
23. you walk out eventually with a ultrasound request and a vague rememberance of dignity
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2 comments:
Damn..... Bloody Staff development days. They have one every term, surely they are the best developed staff of any profession....
Next time that happens, cancel the bloody appointment! Luv u
Ren
i couldnt cancel. it took me 2 months to get that one and my iud was kinda out of date and now its been replaced, but i'm not getting any....
oh well i guess ive got double contraception now - iud AND forced abstinence...... lmao i cant believe i just rubbed it into myself that ive got no one to do ;pxxx
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