the recital

dear hotmuffin

sorry i havent been in touch for so long but i can explain it all.

see when i went interstate and snapped the achilles tendon in my ankle whilst playing a spot of tennis with the lads, it rendered me completely unable to email. however, thankfully (for me), i was still able to go on to dating sites that i had absolutely no idea that you would know i had signed up with. it must have been fantastic for you when your friend and you were looking up her nephew and found me there too! and then you found me on another one! wow you must be psychic or something cause chicks arent that smart as to think i would be one, let alone two.

going on these sites to find chicks was so much easier than emailing you. that doesnt require a brain whereas trying to think of something to say to you to at least appear intelligent was far beyond my capabilities and seemingly my achilles tendon is also attached to my brain and as it had snapped................

and of course i possess all the attributes that would impress a girl. own apartment, bmw & money. what else could you possibly want? i mean really, a brain, decent conversation, and (god-forbid) a personality have no purpose for anything. any inclination of that being important obviously makes you stupid.

so i thought i would not speak to you for a month and then expect you to still want me when i did get in touch with you again. how could you not? and then i would give you some vague explanation about it all that you would agree with and, of course, welcome me back with open legs.

i thought it would also be fun to tell you several times that i will let you know what time we could meet up for me to tell you everything and then not call you. it could only make you want me more..............

yours in all shallowness
loser